i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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