id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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