just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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