i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
