I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
