areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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