Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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