How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
