Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
