Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
