The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
