Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
