He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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