Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
