Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
