I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
