ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
