don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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