Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
