so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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