Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize