it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize