Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
