I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
