Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
