just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
