the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we're so committed to being not committed
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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