Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
