Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
