Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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