Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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