I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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