She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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