just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
