a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
