I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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