This is not my ceiling
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
