Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
