Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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