how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
