your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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