Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
