Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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