The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
