I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize