i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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