Someone shit on the floor
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
