Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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