either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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