oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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