Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
