did you get engaged???
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
