If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
