I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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