Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
