Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
