the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
