Grow some girl-balls and come out already
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
