just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
