I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
