I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
